TTFeb: Productive conversations about cultural misconceptions

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dragongirlg prompted: Potentially harmful cultural misconceptions or erasure in cnovel fandom and how to have productive conversations about them

 

All I can present is my perspective and approach, which others may disagree with with completely valid justifications. I don't even think I'm trying to persuade anyone that my approach is correct, because this is such a difficult topic where my opinions have really developed over time and I anticipate that process will continue?

I think in general, when you have a difficult conversation with someone, the key is trying to understand each other's core beliefs and values. That process of understanding in my experience leads to better communication because either you find the actual underlying difference that can be discussed or a misunderstanding of some kind that can be clarified.

I don't think that is too controversial and if people want to have a conversation that usually is how it goes, but here's where it breaks down: this process requires considerable good faith. Of course that naturally happens when you are already friends, but what if you're just acquaintances or have never interacted?

It relies on feeling like you're in the same community, feeling like the other person has buy-in to really listen.

So obviously it runs into issues with totally disperse fandoms where it feels like every small group has their own norms and trust is generally low. And people are inclined to mistrust a conclusion that other people arrive at if they don't immediately vibe with it, in part because there's a firehose of people to interact with-- why bother putting the effort in? (I've sometimes thought that people are trying to form small in-groups as a response to that feeling that the larger fandom umbrella is too big and all-encompassing, so by reinforcing particular views/norms they get to be in their little cozy group.)

I don't know how we can nurture a culture of community other than by being open-minded and walking the walk of incorporating different viewpoints and getting to know people who have different opinions. (It seems to me that there might be a platform shaping role in creating that culture, or I'd say walking the walk is the only way.)

But all of that introspection is beside the point when confronted with: someone has said something that is a cultural misunderstanding and may be harmful. (For the sake of this discussion, let us posit that they are definitely incorrect.) What do you do?

Obviously there is no right answer, and as I said above, I can only present the considerations I would take into account.

The most important among those is how widespread the misconception is and if it actually perpetuates harm (e.g. through stereotypes or dogwhistles). Then I consider what my goal is: who would hear my thoughts on this, would it serve as a valuable resource or reminder? Also, how could it be framed to not be accusatory or provoke defensiveness.

Note that I'm not playing respectability politics or tone policing people who wouldn't take the last consideration into account: if I have the energy and time to write a response, it is important to me to give that message the biggest chance it has to be heard by people who disagree with me; this is a personal choice.

I always aim to be precise about what is wrong. Specificities, not generalities. This reduces the chance of getting unintentionally linked to an interpersonal issue or discourse. Pick the exact fight you mean to pick and nothing beyond that. 

In general, I think it's rarely worth the effort to call people out in fandom, partially because it requires extremely high levels of baseline trust for someone to hear a call-out and have their innate response be to listen and care, but mostly because it nearly always leads to harassment instead of meaningful communication. I also think the misuse of call-outs for the purpose of personal attacks within fandom has caused the trivialization of serious issues, so it's become associated with interpersonal problems instead of people trying to discuss a serious problem. This is why my first thought is how widespread something is: I try to only call out misconceptions that are not attached in the fandom conscious to a specific person.

Now, that kind of leads to a contradiction with the first part of this post, right? Where I think the most important way to have a productive conversation is implied to be a one-on-one conversation. I don't really know how to resolve that! I think the expectation of most people in fandom is not to have these kinds of conversations beneath an unrelated tweet and thus derail the conversation. It's a bit like ambushing them I guess? So my compromise is to create spaces where that is the topic and conversations are explicitly welcome. 

In the end, someone is only going to read and think about something if they already care or are open to caring. I believe that the best way to get people to care is to model the behaviors that lead to caring: building the infrastructure of resources, engaging in discussion when you disagree, being careful of nuance.

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